I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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