Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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