It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
