porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
