So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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