Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
