i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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