he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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