i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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