How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
