i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
