Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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