erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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