Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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