Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
