When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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