I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
