party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
