meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
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I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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