1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
