Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize