Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
