I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
