hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
