I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
