oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
