dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize