I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
