I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
