i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
