He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
