he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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