you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
