You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
