it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
