he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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