I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
