Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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