Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
