i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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