I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
