Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
