To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Four minutes until I can fart!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
