Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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