note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
