I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
