you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
