Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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