thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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