hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
why is half of my head shaved?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
