Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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