please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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