I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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