"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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