So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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