you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
